I don't know the authors of these pieces but whoever it is, they're brilliant!!  If you know the authors please email me so I may give the proper credit.
A HORSES VIEW OF THE WORLD
Arena:  Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion
Bit:  Means by which a rider's every motion is transmitted to the sensitive tissue of the mouth.
Bucking:  counterirritant
Crossties:  gymnastic apparatus
Dressage:  Process by which some riders can eventually be taught to respect the bit.
Fence:  Barrier that protects good grazing
Grain:  Sole virtue of domestication
Hitching rail:  Means by which to test one's strength
Horse trailer:  Mobile cave bear den
Hot walker:  The lesser of two evils
Jump:  And opportunity for self-expression
Latch:  Type of puzzle
Longeing:  Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay
Owner:  Human assigned responsibility for one's feeding
Rider:  Owner overstepping its bounds
Farrier:  Disposable surrogate owner; useful for acting out aggression without compromising food supply.
Trainer:  Owner with mob connections
Veterinarian:  Flightless albino vulture

HORSE DEFINITIONS -  A GUIDE TO THE CLASSIFIEDS
Event prospect..............................big, fast horse
Dressage Prospect......................big, slow horse
Pleasure Prospect........................pretty
Colorsporting prospect................short, fast horse
Barrel prospect..............................fast horse which will turn sometimes
Endurance prospect......................fast horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy.............................................white socks
Attractive........................................bay
15.2hh...........................................14.3hh
16.2hh............................................15.3hh
To loving home only.......................Expensive
To show home only........................very expensive
Needs experienced rider..............potentially lethal
Elegant...........................................thining
Good condition..............................foundered
Free moving...................................bolts
Quiet...............................................lame in both front legs
Dead quiet.....................................lame in all four legs
Good in traffic (bombproof)..........lame all around, deaf and blind
Loves children...............................kicks and bites
Pony type.......................................small and hairy
Arab type.......................................looks startled
TB type..........................................looks terrified
Quarter horse type........................fat
Warmblood type............................big and hairy
Draft type.......................................big and exceedingly hairy
Easy to catch.................................very old
Must sell........................................wife has left home and taken the kids
All offers considered.....................I am in traction for 6 months
BARN RULES
THE ART OF SNORTING: Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere.
It is your duty, as the family horse, to accommodate them.
NEIGHING: Because you are a horse, you are expected to neigh. So neigh - a
lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the barn and
communicating with other horses. Especially late at night while they are
sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human
than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing you, "Neigh,
neigh, neigh..."
STOMPING CATS: When standing on cross ties, make sure you never --- quite
---stomp on the barn cat's tail. It spoils all the fun.
CHEWING: Make a contribution to the architectural industry.... chew on your
stall wall, the fence or any other wooden item.
FRESH BEDDING: It is perfectly permissible to urinate in the middle of your
freshly bedded stall to let your humans know how much you appreciate their
hard work.
DINING ETIQUETTE: Always pull all of your hay out of the hay rack, especially
right after your stall has been cleaned, so you can mix the hay with your
fresh bedding. This challenges your human, the next time they're cleaning
your stall - and we all know how humans love a challenge (that's what they
said when they bought you as a two year old, right?).
DOORS: Any door, even partially open, is always an invitation for you and
your human to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just out of
reach of your human, who will frantically run after and chase you. The longer
it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved.
GOING FOR TRAIL RIDES: Rules of the road: When out for a trail ride with your
owner, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
HOLES: Rather than pawing and digging a BIG hole in the middle of the paddock
or stall and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over so
they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each
hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the
ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
GROUND MANNERS: Ground manners are very important to humans; break as much of
the ground in and around the barn as possible. This lets the ground know
who's boss and impresses your human.

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